when i was on the bus today i had a thought. and tho its not a very healthy thought, it makes alot of sense to me and it really does have alot of appeal... i guess tts y pple commit suicide sometimes, not that this world seems so bad but that the other world seems so much better. cant help but think that if i were to die i would go to heaven and see God! and to see God is like the most wonderful thing ever and i really dont care if i have super little treasures in heaven because all i want to do is to live in His tangible presence for eternity and see His face everyday and really really know that He is there. not tt i doubt His existence, just tt sometimes i dont feel it and i really really do more than anything in the world. and its like im just living my life of sin and struggling to walk the path of righteousness on this earth and i dont see myself going the way i should and its so frustrating and gets me so down, and just there is heaven with its streets of gold and cleansed and perfected spirits and its just tempting to think sometimes

what if?